Recently a friend of mine came up to me and ask "How to forget someone you love?". She has a friend who has just broken up and ended up drinking, drinking, and drinking. Awww...that's bad.
 
I told her well....you have asked the wrong person because I'm trying to forget someone as well. The only advice I could give is to get back to the dating game and meet more people.
 
Oh yea...the question is "How to unlove someone?" I've been finding ways to forget someone (someone i love but i feel like i'm loving a brickwall), so I need a solution of how to unlove a person.
 
This is really difficult. Some say time will heal....well, I'm not sure about that....
Another girlfriend of mine told me that it took her years to forget her ex. Oh my....that's painful!!
 
I do really need help here.....How to unlove someone? Come on, give some inputs....I do really need it...


Comments

  • sweet_cookie01 said May 29, 2007...
    bluesnake... i dont know how to unlove someone... i just fall out of love.   but if ever i need to unlove someone i have to convince myself why that person doesnt deserve my love... make myself busy and enjoy things that will not make me think of the person.  
  • Bluesnake said May 29, 2007...
    Get yourself busy....good idea....
  • gingersoul said May 29, 2007...
    Bluesnake........you cant. Simple like that. You simply can't do anything to unlove.  The first step should be subsitute hate with love.  It works only in the short term. Then you might try the indifference card. The erasing memories game. The sleeping around tecnique. The work-alcoholic mode, the only-alcoholic mode. The travelling as far away as you can. Eventually you will have to come back. Eventually all your feelings will come back. I am sorry. I am still trying like you to completely unlove somebody. Its almost 2 years now. Still working on it.....But i can tell you each day is a little easier.....good luck!.....   
  • Bluesnake said May 29, 2007...
    2 years!! That's really really long..... So for me, it's just the start of the painful journey.....sigh...   Sleeping around? LOL.....that's seem the easy way out....but I guess you're right....the feelings will still come back.....ouch! Damn...  
  • rupert7 said May 30, 2007...
    Bad news I'm afraid. If you really love someone it is forever no matter what.This is how Shakespeare put itLet me not to the marriage of true minds admit indementsLove is not love which alters when it alteration findsor bends with the remover to removeOh no tis an ever fixed mark which looks on tempests and is never shakenTis the guiding star to every wandering bark who's worths unknown though his height be takenLove alters not with his brief hours and weeks  but bears it out even to the edge of doomIf this be error and upon me proved, I never writ nor no man ever loved
  • Zayda said May 30, 2007...
    You can't really "unlove", not completely. The people you love the most passionately leave marks on your heart that never really go away. And you don't ever really forget them. The most you can do is change your perspective and say "This person was once part of my life in X way, and now they are part of my life in Y way". (Sorry, I don't mean that to sound so formulaic, but it's the easiest way I can think of to express it right now.)
  • allswell said May 30, 2007...
    Bluesnake I agree with everyone, you just can't unlove someone...it goes away slowly and you just have to try to move on untill it happens.      I can honestly say that i don't love my ex anymore and even though we've only been separated for about five months I knew our marriage was over long before but i just counldn't let go, because i loved him...but then i started concentrating on why we shouldn't be together anymore and why he made me so unhappy...and it helped...for me ...to eventually stop loving him.    alls:)
  • silverwhisper said May 30, 2007...
    what super z said. ed
  • LMari said May 30, 2007...
    well the most hurtful thing when you break up, is that your entire 'safe' world is different. its gone. you gotta start over. humankind clings to routines, set goals, everyday rituals. when its over in a relationship 'POOF' your life is gone. you start to panic - you wont sleep with that person anymore, you wont make coffee for him anymore - you guys wont go to that concert you booked for next month - etc etc etc. never mind the imbedded thoughts like marriage and kids. only way to get over it, and try to crash your human 'fixed routine' brain, and start making changes all around you, so that its not just one thing thats changed and feels missing (him) -its everything, from your hair to your home to your work to your fitness, go to different places etc etc. change your entire world - be selfish, do things for you - go places you like - so that atleast your entire routine and life has changed - and your attention wont be solely on the one thing that changed, that he left.  
  • gingersoul said May 30, 2007...
    LMari....believe me i turned my life completely up side down after my divorce...the only thing i didnt do yet (but i am thinking of doing) is moving out of the country (again). For the rest.... been there, done that.... I sold my house and all the things that could remind me of the Us-Time.... i moved in another place, i cut my hair and lost even too much weight,  i sold the old car, i changed even the stores where i was doing grocery shop, i didnt see anymore some of the old friends i used to, i dont go on the same old places, i changed restaurant, movies theaters too...i surgically eliminated any possibility to meet him and his new family .. ...i dated and slept with other men yes, i think the only think i didnt do is getting drunk or stoned or under anti-depressant or to a shrink or to a divorce group meeting.....lol....for the rest , you name it.....:-) Blue....it might look depressing but its really not...you will find you own reason to get over it....it a battle you can fight only by yourself but good friends can help a lot..... ...and stuff like this makes you truly stronger and wiser...... 
  • marysaaka said May 30, 2007...
    Bluesnake, it is ok to hurt and carrier the full load of love, think about the relationship that you two had and how much you still love this person and feel all feeling that you have in realizing that you do have love and know how to define love, once you see all of these factors of love you will realize that you have feeling that you have shared with a person who dont feel the same way about you and you will come to realize that it is her or his lost because there definement of love dont agree with yours, you can move on.
  • pickersplock said May 30, 2007...
    I guess the best way is to move on and find someone or something else to do......oops that didn't come out quite right......I didn't mean you should just go around having sex with a lot of people,...... although that could work too!
  • Bluesnake said May 30, 2007...
    Wow... I appreciate all of your comments and advice!   Rupert7 - Thanks for the poem!   Zayda - LOL....interesting formula....and I guess she will definitely in my heart forever.   allswell - I think it's a good perspective to see why we shouldnt be together to stop loving that person.   LMari & gingersoul - Thanks for the advice. I think I even have the change the route that I drive to office everyday....if not I'll be seeing her house everyday.   marysaaka - Thanks! and noted!   pickersplock - Why not? LOL
  • flashnocturnal said Jun 1, 2007...
    bluesnake: yeah agreed with what everyone was saying. It is not easy. Let me share with you my experience. After broken up with my gf, i took the opportunity to work overseas. When i came back after 7 years of working hard in USA,  
  • starryn said Jun 2, 2007...
    BlueSnake, If you dont mind another imput, just a thought here Try loving you, take that unloving someone to loving yourself. See we all have this inheritance in ourselves to unlove ourself every day in some fashion or another, by negative thinking, putting our self down in some way. Try for a moment to bless yourself, do something nice for you. make something daring happen that you always wanted to do but never did for negative thoughts perhaps that said you are not allowed!. If you can do this once then twice and maybe a new pattern will emerge that breaks the chain of habbit, of trying to unlove another you love yourself and maybe just maybe there wont be a reason to unlove anymore but love you and then another when they walk into your life. Just a thought.  
  • Me-Myself&I said Jun 3, 2007...
    why would you want to? love and live ...go on with your life and learn the dos and don't for your next relationship 
  • lostcause said Jun 3, 2007...
    well im young lol only 15 but i did date a guy for a year. Me and him broke up and i was totally stuck on him for months after.. i moved on and talk to other guys but that didnt help to much cause i only ended up comparing the new guys to the old one. when i finally got rid of pictures and cut my self of from contact with him i felt better. maybe that will help because u cant get over someone if u catch urself with memories all around u.
  • DogLips said Jun 3, 2007...
    I can never unlove the girl of my dreams that I dated eight years ago. she is different now and so am I. We didn't work out and we are with different people. But I will never forget the beauty of everything we experienced when things were bliss between us.   Now I am wondering how to make someone unlove me. I don't even know if it's a good idea. But things have become very complicated and I am trying to make myself unlove her by finding reasons for why I shouldn't feel happy with her. I think I will alwasy love her somehow though.   Maybe we don't need to unlove someone, just put things into perspective.
  • marysaaka said Jun 3, 2007...
    Hi. just to say i hope you had a nice week end.
  • Bluesnake said Jun 5, 2007...
    Flashnocturnal - Your comment is not complete, eh...   Starryn - I think I read your comment 9 times to understand it.....Thanks anyway!   MeMyself & I - Good point there.   lostcause - Yup....got to erase those memories... but it's really difficult to erase it.   doglips - I still find it difficult to think of another perspective or how to think negatively about someone....   Marysaaka - I had a nice weekend. Thanks.   Good inputs I received. Feel free to put more....! I need it...
  • rainandsunshine said Jun 5, 2007...
    well im also a part of this club.. i also want to learn how to unlove someone... wen u've loved someone so so much , more than urself probably , how do you forget him...i've been trying to desperately for two years but tell me a new way cos this one doesnt seem to be working...
  • Bluesnake said Jun 6, 2007...
    rainandsunshine....awww I feel your pain too. I'm not sure whether time heals as what people say. Guess we just have to try out some methods mentioned above.
  • starryn said Jun 7, 2007...
    Honestly I dont feel you can unlove someone if you truly love them, it doesnt always go away with time, it doesnt ease with finding another if that love is more than any ever felt before.  its hard to move on and change when your gut is wrenching with heart aches and nothing is blank just constant reminders of that one that truly stole your heart, became your heart.  but what can you do if it is over its over and the only way to go is away from that person, that one. What i meant about loving yourself, is put energy into yourself, do things that make you happy, and eventually when not looking for it, love does comes along again. theres no easy fix i dont think, hope your friend finds one, and you too.  
  • chinchi said Feb 13, 2008...
    wow,ive recently broke up with my bfriend and he wwas ma everything,gave me hope,dreams,but now he has a gurlfriend,different 2 me....blonde...skinnie...pretty...im brunette tanned lol but im shatted....but im moving on because thats all i have left,he moved on left me in the cold but yes everyday gets easier but i know that there is a man outther just 4 me and as sexc as hell! so ladies plz live ur life coz is way 2 short!have a drink 4 uz! A DRINK 4!!!!! *4 da losers dat lost us *Da gud man that will get 2 meet uz ****AND DA LUCKY BASTARDS THAT WILL GET 2 HAVE UZ!!*** hope u all find ur inner happiness and dat hot loving in ur life ladies!add me on yahoo!!!! chini_fredes@yahoo.com! :)
  • diagostino said Mar 6, 2008...
    If you love someone. real love. true love. then it is forever. It will never go away and you cannot unlove in that case. If the person you love doesnt love you back and they have gone from your life, then that is the cruelest fate that can fall on you - because you will have to carry that love, unrequited and transformed somedays into the worst pain imaginable, forever. Ben Diagostino, writer. diagostino.com
  • Bluesnake said May 26, 2008...
    Dear anonymous, It definitely hurts a lot. That's life. We gotta move on and face life. And seriously i've manage to unlove someone....through time.
  • Me-Myself&I said Sep 23, 2008...
    *smile*
  • chosen1 said Oct 10, 2008...
    I'm going through it myself.I married her 6 months ago and it seemed like a marriage from heaven.Then just like a light switch she did a 180 and moved out. She wasn't my first marriage but I really did intend it to really last for the rest of my life. And the funny thing is ,she said the same thing .....but still left me...I'm so far in the dark ,I started looking up sites like this in hope of finding some solice. I still really love this woman . some times I can't help from tearing up and it's embarracing (sp). She seems so happy now....but not long ago ....she seemed the same way with me....any help out there? Maybe one of the ladies who wrote into you could write me and give me a little insight into her logic...JKN
  • Stevergy said Apr 13, 2010...
    1. Distance yourself from the person.2. Convince yourself what you're doing is right.3. Refuse to talk/text that person.4. When you happen to meet that person while walking somewhere, ignore that person.5. Never go back to the place where you first met.6. Never go to places which will remind you of that person.7. Never listen to music which will remind you of that person.8. Never visit that person's social network profiles.9. Never reply to that person's comments/messages, if any.10. If you can, delete that person's number from your phonebook. Forget that person's cellphone number if you have it memorized.11. Talk to people outside your circle of friends: this is helpful if that person is within your circle of friends.12. Involve yourself with academics, extra-curriculars, and volunteer work. Be a busy bee.13. Keep the things significant to both of you locked away, never to be found. 14. When that person logs in, log out. Problem solved.15. Smile. It's the best thing you can do. Remember that after all this, you will have fallen out of love, and you will feel better off without that person.

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